By Constance Cochran
eilonwy@earthlink.net
You are welcome to download this work. This work may be re-distributed, on-line or in print, so long as it appears intact, is for non-profit purposes, and permission from the author is requested.
This piece originally appeared in the Gargoyles on-line fan magazine/mailing list "Avalon Mists"
Time: first season of "Gargoyles"
Scene: the Aerie Building, in the Great Hall of Castle Wyvern.
The elevator doors slide open, revealing Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner. They are all wearing mickey-mouse caps. Yakko sports sunglasses, Wakko is struggling with a map larger than he is, and Dot holds a cute plush stuffed Disney character.
They bound out of the elevator, only to find their path blocked by Owen Burnett, cellular phone and leather agenda in hand. He peers down his nose at them, disdainful.
Owen: May I help you?
Dot: Is this Cinderella's Castle?
Owen: I beg your pardon?
Yakko shoves Wakko.
Yakko: See! I told you we took a wrong turn at the Magic Mountain.
Wakko gives a martyred sigh.
Wakko: I can't 'elp it. You got mustard all over the map.
Completely ignoring Owen, the Warners wander into the Great Hall. Heads titled back, their eyes wide with wonder, they look all around them. Dot, spotting the glittering chandelier, lets out an awed, breathless "Ohhhh."
Owen runs after them and steps in their way.
Owen: Just a minute. You can't come in here.
Yakko: Why not? Is it still under construction?
Dot: Wow! A new attraction!
Owen begins pushing the Warners back towards the elevator. Unfazed, they stick their legs out straight, taking a route of passive resistance. Once they are in the elevator, Owen hits the "down" button and steps back.
Owen: Now don't come back!
He watches with smug satisfaction as the elevator doors slide shut with a "ping."
Yakko (off screen): You know, you could really spruce this place up with some wall-to-wall carpeting and a billiard table.
Startled, Owen turns around. Wakko is hanging up-side down from the chandelier, swinging back and forth, apparently under the mistaken idea that it is some kind of ride. Dot is lounging like a princess on the big table in front the massive fireplace, and Yakko is studying a tapestry, his fingers to his chin in a contemplative manner.
Yakko: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...I don't know. Somehow I think fleur-de-lis wall paper would work better. Don't you?
Yakko spies the Grimoirum Arcanorum in its glass case.
Yakko: Hey, what's that...
He reaches a paw out to touch the glass. Owen leaps to the book's defense, standing with his back against the case as he glares down at Yakko.
Owen: (voice calm; a tad annoyed) Don't touch that. (he turns and calls up to Wakko, who is still swinging wildly on the chandelier) That will be quite enough, young man!
Wakko, surprised, stops swinging and gapes, impressed by Owen's tone of authority.
Owen: Come down here this instant!
Wakko: But I can't.
Owen: (pushes up his glasses): And why not?
Wakko: I'm stuck. It's too far down.
From Wakko's point of view, we see the stone floor, dizzyingly far away. Wakko wraps both arms around the stem of the chandelier and closes his eyes, looking endearingly pathetic.
Yakko: Don't worry, Wakko. We'll save you.
Yakko and Dot begin rushing around the hall, picking up chairs, the computer monitor, anything else they can get their hands on, and stacking them under the chandelier.
Owen, for the first time ever, begins to look like he is losing control. He scrambles around after Dot, who has just picked up what looks like a valuable old chair of medieval lineage. Yakko is perched halfway up the pile, and Dot passes the chair up to him. Yakko puts the chair in place.
Yakko (calling up): Okay, Wakko. You can come down now.
Wakko opens his eyes, looks down, and gets a big-happy-face look on his features. He climbs down.
Owen eyes the towering pile, an eyebrow cocked in disgust.
Owen: Mr. Xanatos will be seriously displeased.
Yakko: Who's Mr. Xanatos?
Owen: My employer, and the owner of this castle.
Yakko: Ohhhh, I get it. So you're the butler or something?
Owen: Of sorts.
Yakko, Wakko, and Dot whip off-screen and reappear a split-second later. Yakko and Wakko are in tuxedos; Yakko has a monocle; Dot wears a dress and pearls.
Yakko (in a corny, upper-crust English accent): Jeeves, be a good man and fetch us tea. There's a good chap.
Owen, still calm, opens his mouth to say something, but there is a footfall behind him.
Xanatos steps out of the shadows of a doorway into the light, followed by Demona.
Xanatos: Owen, is there a problem here?
Owen turns, a bit desperately, away from the Warners towards his employer.
Owen: Nothing I can't handle, sir. I...
Inexplicably back in their regular costumes, Yakko and Wakko leap up into Demona's arms at the same time Dot leaps up into Xanatos'.
Yakko, Wakko, Dot (in chorus): Hellllooooo NURSE!
Yakko (going limp in Demona's arms): Be gentle with me. I'm fragile.
Demona lets out a snarl of disgust, plucks the Warner brothers off of her, and flings them to the floor. Undeterred, they wrap their arms around her ankles.
Yakko: Oh please take me back! I don't care about the species barrier. I love you!
Wakko: I don't take rejection well...have pity!
Xanatos looks down, somewhat amused, at his handful of Dot.
Dot (coy, batting her eyelashes): Well, hello tall, dark, and wealthy.
Demona: Xanatos, what ARE these disgusting little creatures?
Xanatos puts Dot down, and he and Demona turn expectantly to Owen.
Owen looks at the Warners, and his brows knit.
Owen: Well, sir, they appear to be...that is, their anatomy closely resembles that of...they could perhaps...I have no idea, sir.
Xanatos (unconcerned): Very well, Owen. Just get them out of here. We are nearing the completion of the final phase of our plan, and I can't have them underfoot.
Wakko's eyes get big, round, and dewy.
Wakko: Y-you want us to leave?
Dot: You don't like us anymore? (sniffs)
Yakko takes his siblings' paws and defiantly raises his chin.
Yakko: Come on, sibs. WE know when we're not wanted. We can go to a better amusement park. WE can go to Six Flags!
Xanatos and Demona leave the hall. As the Warners move towards the elevator, Owen lets out a sigh of relief and runs his hand across his brow. He sags, exhausted, against the table.
The Warners glance back and see Owen in this posture. Yakko gives him a compassionate look.
Yakko: Wait. No, sibs, we can't desert him now. (gestures extravagantly) Look at him.
Dot (sweet): The poor man.
She walks up to Owen and pats him consolingly on the arm.
Yakko: If only there was something we could do to cheer him up...
Owen, recovered from his moment of weakness, straightens his tie.
Owen: Please don't. (he flicks open the cellular phone and hits a few numbers) Security? We have a problem on level one.
Yakko: I've got it! Sibs, there's only one thing to do at a time like this!
The Warners (in chorus): Form a conga line!
From out of nowhere comes a shower of confetti and a beat of Caribbean music. The two Hippos, Dr. Scratch-an-sniff, Goliath, Slappy and Skippy, Freakazoid, The Tick, and the studio nurse start snaking around the room in a conga line. Yakko, linked to Wakko and Dot, takes hold of the studio nurse's waist, and they join the line.
All: Ya-da-da-da-da-HEY! Ya-da-da-da-da-HEY!
The line curves into a circle around Owen, who stands clutching the phone and the leather agenda with a blank-eyed stare on his face, much as if to say "this is NOT happening."
Finally, Owen shrugs, and carefully puts the cellular phone and the agenda on the table. He removes his glasses, tucks them into his shirt pocket. Going into a whirling spin, he emerges as a grinning Puck, who joins the conga line. The calypso-like music echoes up to the vaults of the ceiling of the Great Hall, mingling with the confetti.
Fade Out.
End Clip:
Scene: Exterior, the Warner's water tower. The Warner logo swings open, revealing Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and Broadway.
Yakko offers a jar of peppers to the gargoyle.
Yakko (to Broadway): Jalapena?
Fade Out.
Disclaimer: Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and any other Animaniacs characters are the property of Amblin Entertainment/Warner Bros, as is Freakazoid. The Gargoyles characters are owned by Buena Vista Television/Disney. The Tick is copyright 1994 by Ben Edlund . The Magic Mountain and Cinderella's Castle are property of Walt Disney World, Orlando, Florida (I think). Six Flags is a trademark of Six Flags Great Adventure.